I met "The Data Analyst" on the Hinge dating app. Hinge fills your profile by answering three questions: 1) Try to guess this about me; 2) The way to win me over is; and 3) This year I really want to.
When you swipe through profiles, you can 'like' pictures or answers to the questions. "The Data Analyst" liked my answer to #3: This year I really want to...Play more sports and make out.
I reviewed his profile. He likes cycling, travels, and is wearing a sweet Buzz Light Year costume in one of his pics. I replied to his 'like' with a common interest comment, "I see you like bicycling, me too. Do you ever get over here to ride?"
He asked to meet for a ride that Saturday. I could not due to my sister's birthday extravaganza. Instead, we planned a hiking date to Mau Mae beach the following Saturday. He suggested we meet before hiking to Mau Mae, in case I hated him. I agreed that hating him would make the hike super awkward, so we planned our first date between our two houses for Wednesday at The Honoka'a Public House.
I was excited to meet "The Data Analyst." He was witty and nice. He had a job (which as my sister pointed out is nearly more than I can say). He was smart, well-traveled, and he hadn't sent any random dick pics. All great attributes.
I called him on the phone three nights before our date. I wanted to see if we had verbal chemistry. We...did not. It was a rather awkward phone conversation. I began to worry. Should I cancel the date? Am I wasting my time? Will it be that awkward in person?
I have listened to a lot of dating advice. I have read books. I follow dating gurus on INSTAgram. "Smart Dating Academy" says you should be wary of the huge adrenaline rush of excitement you feel when you start dating someone. They say you should be wary of "the best first date ever."
"Average A", the last guy I dated, told me I need to "reign in my excitement," because it was going to get me in trouble. I kept hearing his voice in my head, "you need to tamp that down," his voice hammered through my memory.
Was he right, I wondered? Average A made some annoyingly good points. He and I had a fantastic first date. He was fun to text and even more fun to talk to on the phone. Average A was anything but boring.
Wednesday arrived. I was not excited for my date with "The Data Analyst." I didn't feel like driving 45 miles to Honoka'a. My sister asked if I was excited. "No," I said.
My sister suggested I cancel. My #1 Clifton Strength is dependability. Canceling goes against my DNA. I couldn't cancel. Instead, I texted the CEO. The CEO said, "Have him send you a dic pic. Maybe he's hung like a walrus. Tell him you require it."
I laughed. I told my sister what the CEO said. She said, "All guys are the same."
I had a nap. I drug myself out of bed, touched up my makeup, and drove up the Hamakua Coast. I was freaking out. Was I wasting my time? Should I go if I don't "feel it?" Am I going to be late? How long does it take to get to Honoka'a?
It's hard to stay freaked out in Hawaii. It's too pretty here. Before long, I was singing at the top of my lungs as I cruised the windy roads past waterfalls. There were rainbows over the ocean.
I beat "The Data Analyst" to The Public House. I got a table. He arrived 2 minutes later. He was cuter in person than in his picture. He looked nice. I was over-dressed. I am constantly over-dressed here.
We ordered drinks. I ordered the Waipi'o Sunrise: Koloa coconut rum, triple sec, pineapple, cranberry, and orange. The Data Analyst ordered a porter. I started firing questions at him. How was work? How can you live in Waimea but still be 50 minutes away from here? Why did you sleep outside when you traveled to Japan?
We ordered pizza. He let me pick. I chose the bbq, chicken, alfredo with onions, garlic, mushrooms, and spinach.
I continued to fire questions. Do you work for the man? Do you consider bicycling and cycling the same? My brother-in-law says cycling is different.
The pizza took forever. I sipped my drink and chugged water. He ordered an IPA. He had given blood earlier in the day, so he was giggly.
The pizza finally came. It was HUGE and delicious. He would take a bite and almost close his eyes with delight. It was cute. I tried to slow down my bites.
We got the bill. He wanted me to take all the leftovers. I insisted we split. He paid the tab. He walked me to my car. We saw a cat. He was more excited than me.
We were standing by my car saying goodbye both holding our pizza boxes awkwardly. He stepped toward me really close and stopped. He was employing the maneuver from the movie Hitch: you go 90 and make her come the last 10. Only in this instance it felt more like 80/20. I saw what was happening, and I closed the 20. As he walked away to his car, he leaned in smiling and said, "You mentioned this on your profile..."
I laughed. "Yes," I said. "Touche."
The Data Analyst is a good kisser. My sister said, "COVID!!!" I said, "I know, but us single people need to live too."
We're hiking to Mau Mae in two days.
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